To know know know him is to love love love him, and I do….yes I do.
As of late this song plays through my head, it fills my soul with happiness – this is how I feel about God.
Roller Coaster – my emotions have been upside down, twisty turvy, curvy swurvy all over the place, but I have landed right here.
HERE – 2011’s word. I am borrowing it from Ann at www.holyexperience.com --only because she has a better way with words then I. Yet it sums up the conclusion I came to a couple of weeks ago. I can’t meet God anywhere but where I am. He isn’t in the tomorrow when my thoughts drift. He isn’t even in an hour from now on my “to do” list. He is right here with me.
It was a lonely afternoon on 1/1/11. I found myself wanting to sulk, but as I looked out my window for what seemed the hundredth time I heard a choice. You can be sad, you can wish for something or you can take this time and be with me. God wants me to be with him and you know what, I want to be with him to. He is my portion, he is my fill, he is more than enough for me. I choose joy. Right here right now, this very moment is perfect….perfectly his.
I was reading about practicing his presence. The practice of turning my thoughts to God 1 second out of every minute. Honestly, I still have absolutely no idea how to do this, but I know that I need to. I want him to author each moment of my life. I am so thankful for forgivness, grace, mercy and I am greedy. God says rest in me, trust in me, acknowledge me and I will make your path straight. So on top of the forgivness, grace and mercy I want a straight path, rest and it feels good, right, peaceful, perfect.
There have been many things floating around in my head.
Jesus’ first 30 years – he lived, he worked, he took care of family—God lived on Earth, he grew up a Jewish first born son almost 2000 years ago. I read a book about a guy who decided to live like Jesus did for one year and learned a lot about what he would have eaten, wore, and learned. It made me realize that I tend to focus on what the last 3 years of his life looked like and haven’t paid much attention to the other part, the 90% of his life as a man.
If I want to draw closer to Jesus a test of what that will look like is this…Do I love people better? – Pastor Isaac asked this question. After reading Radical I found myself judging people rather than loving people, pushing people away rather than being patient with them. Fortunately I realized very soon that just because it seems easier to look around me it isn’t what Jesus says to do. To look within, to judge myself to push away the parts of me that need removed is HARD, is NECESSARY. Radical by David Platt has helped with that, going to Malawi helped with that, reading Gods word is absolutely crucial to this process.
I am reading Dallas Willard’s, A Divine Conspiracy and LOVE it. I just ordered it on CD so John, the boys and I can listen to it this spring as we drive to and from Okeechobee. Dacia let me borrow it and I can see why she likes it so much – it is hard to read technically. I have to slow down, read and reread. I have to be present, my mind cannot wander. In its own way it is helping me to prepare to be here.
To know what my skin is touching, to drive my car and remember how I got to my destination, the faces I passed, the people I saw. To listen to Julians words, Judes words and not just answer. To hear them, to see them, to watch them. To be thankful with each breath I take, for that breath. To know as I breathe I can speak Gods name, I want to.
SLOW is where I need to go.
